Women of Faith

Our little mommy group got to go to Women of Faith this past weekend. We've been talking about getting together for a little retreat for a while now and it was great to finally get to do it. We got to worship together, learn together, reflect together and have fun together. How much better can it get? A nice fortaste of heaven:) I keep praying that the length of time we've been meeting together won't burn us out and I think going away together was one way to prevent that. I just hope it's not too long before we get to go away again!

Preparing for Advent

We finished up our book Grace Based Parenting and now our group is preparing for our annual Advent activities. We enjoyed the latest book and it brought about some great discussions and gave us lots of food for thought. During the month of December we plan activities for our kids for each day of Advent season. I have a box with little doors on it, one door for the 25 days of Advent. Each day the kids open it and find a small item that relates to the activity of the day. We read a verse for the day and have an activity or book we read or craft we do, or event we attend, etc. that we do that helps reinforce the verse. The goal is to help keep the focus of the season on Christ and teaching them about the Christmas story and the reason Christ was born. So we are making plans for what activities to do with the kids this year and I'm having fun working on it. Day 1 will be putting up the Christmas tree and we'll read and discuss passages in scripture about Christ being hung on a tree. We plan on baking cookies together as a group as well as making a craft to give to children at a local daycare. A busy yet fun month ahead!

Crazy Times

It has been crazy times for our group so far this fall and getting together each week has been a challenge. We've been able to meet a couple of times at night and it has been so nice to be able to talk and share without the kids running around. Speaking of kids, we are getting close to the end of our book, Grace Based Parenting. I have really enjoyed reading this book and the last chapter really convicted me. The author was discussing the importance of showing grace as children deal with difficult emotions. I think we all struggle with our kids making a big deal about something that seems so insignificant to us. But we have the passage of time and increased wisdom that comes with age to look back and realize the things that we had made a huge deal about as kids, really were not that big of a deal. I need to work on showing grace to my 5 year old when he gets really upset about a playdate being broken or his brother not sharing with him, etc. I need to shrink myself down to his size and see how the world looks like to him and see that the world can be very disappointing, scary, confusing and time seems to crawl by. A challenge indeed but an important one.

Grace and the Freedom to Be Vulnerable

Okay, so this is my first post. I tend to think on things and chew on them and never get around to posting. This book has spoken volumes to me of the grace that God gives each of us. I have found myself basking in His grace as I am striving to learn how to raise my son in God's grace. This book fits in to other things that I have been focused on, all pointing to the amazing grace of God.

This chapter was no exception. It speaks of the freedom to be vulnerable and be completely who you are and still receive a secure and unconditional love.
"One of the great things about God's grace is the safe haven it offers to a transparent heart. He doesn't require masks in His throne room." All to often I find myself wearing a mask, trying to somehow look better or different than who I am. I'm sure others have the same act of putting on a facade. "Jesus makes people feel comfortable even when he catches them without their makeup. When circumstances scrub off the layers of their self-confidence, and their shortcomings wash away the foundation of their self-righteousness, Jesus isn't appalled by the blemishes he finds underneath. There's no sin too bad, no doubt too big, no question too hard, and no heart too broken for His grace to deal with." This grace is a tremendous comfort to me. I can be free to be who I am.

It goes on to say that we are the gatekeepers of His grace for our children. If we can somehow mirror the grace that God gives us, our children will be better prepared to receive the saving grace that only God can give. By allowing our children to be who they are and loving them through it we can reflect the grace of God that lifts us up to him constantly.

from head to heart

So.... long time no post. Have a feeling that this will end up being kind of a stream of consciousness thing --- so bear w/ me, or feel free to skip :)

Group meetings have been thin lately, it's rough sometimes with everyone being so busy. I really feel that we are pulled away from what we need most - I know that it is how we all feel. Praying for the mommas who are overbooked - AND praying that I can continue balancing it all.

Interesting conversation this evening. In this book, Kimmel continually points to the concept that we need to be making an effort to live grace out with our children. NOT just refer to the grace of Christ's sacrifice and then water down our faith to a legalistic checklist.

This started a conversation on how do we get this concept of in the heart across to preschoolers. Currently my boy is in AWANA's w/ his gma. This is an awesome opportunity for him to begin early trainings in basic beliefs. BUT - how can I bridge the concept of verse memorization to "hiding his word in our hearts"???? I keep trying to think of ways to show grace to him - not just in how I deal with him - but with how i deal with others. That is my struggle.

Also, I feel that as I read this book it is a method I should use in my classroom with my students. PROBLEM BEING - I can't quite make the connections w/ verses with them. I try to use accepted sayings of culture --- based off of Christianity - but not quite Bible quoting. It's rough though. I see how badly the kids need grace, love and understanding - but at the same time, I am not able to draw a line when they violate God's law - just the schools. It's a struggle, one I've mentioned before - I'm working so hard and trying to be the best momma possible, and I see these children and wonder where their parents are - do their parents know how rude, crude, and off their kids can be. It's not necessarily things to call home about - but still not what I would want my child doing or saying.

The other day I overheard a teacher talking, in speaking with a student he mentioned she should show him respect --- as she walked away he heard her say "I don't respect my mom ==== why should I respect you". Where have the parents gone? Why are they so absent from their children's lives, and why oh why do they not realize how badly they are needed?????

Love this book

I just wanted to post that I am really loving this book, even though I've read it before, I still love it. I really need to be reminded about God's grace in my life and that I need to give grace to my kids. How many times does God forgive me for the same sin over and over again? I am praying that the Holy Spirit will remind me of this whenever I am tempted to become frustrated at having to remind the kids "for the one hundredth time" to do something. I also need to work on not making a "mountain out of a molehill." So glad we can go through this book together!

Parenting in Today's World

O.k. this is my very first blog post EVER so bear with me. I am an accountant which means writing is not necessarily my strong point. :) We have just started a new book called Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel and while I have not yet finished reading through Chapter 1 I already feel very inspired and hopeful about what we will be reading. In just a few short pages he has pointed out so many relevant and important facts about today's culture and its effect on the way we parent. Something that my husband and I have talked about frequently and that Dr. Kimmel points out is that our culture has all but erased the moral boundaries that used to make raising children much more clear cut. He says: "We also had excellent guidelines to live by - like the Ten Commandments. But after decades of culture chipping away at them, the Ten Commandments are no longer etched deeply in stone but written in pencil on a Post-it note. They are more like ten hints or suggestions that you can use when it's in your best interest to do so. Somewhere along the way, they've lost their authority in the average family's life. To too many of today's parents, it is no longer 'right and wrong' but what I feel is 'right and wrong' that rules the day." I could not agree more with this statement and it scares me to see this trend. I am really looking forward to what he has to say in the upcoming chapters about raising children who will be well equipped to "move into adulthood as vital members of the human race."

In my effort to keep my posts short I'll end now with a quote from this book that I find very powerful and exciting. In talking about becoming a parent he says "You've been handed a piece of history in advance - a gracious gift you will send to a time you will not see." Pretty awesome! :)

frustration and tragedy

I love the idea of a blog - sort of anonymous but out there. I say this because while I love facebook, I feel that I have to be super careful with things I post due to the fact that I am a school board employee.

I am the dreaded, feared, hated, pitied, sometimes admired creature - a high school teacher.

I got a call from my father today. I can always tell from his tone that someone has died. It's that weird stilted voice and the feeling he has to say something he doesn't want to say.

3 boys were killed in a car accident - alcohol is suspected. I was relieved to discover they weren't my students, but looking at the photos posted - I recognize them. I passed these boys in the halls. I most likely have had their friends in class.

I know this seems odd and out of place on this blog - we discuss the books we've read, and our walk with the Lord. But this is a huge part of my daily life - especially since school is a few short weeks away. I constantly see kids with this idea that tragedy can't befall them. When it does happen to a friend, they have this attitude that it still won't happen to them - b/c it happened to someone they know.

There was a mandatory assembly that I had to take my students too. It was heart breaking - all about drugs and unintentional overdoses, the combination of pills and alcohol. There were students who joked afterward. The same students who are a little too fond of Bob Marley and make jokes about the weekends. I have often said how frustrating it is to hear these things - there have been lawsuits and such that make it not advisable for teachers to report this to parents directly. There is a process - refer to guidance, etc. etc. ERG!

Some of my students are so lost - they ask me questions that stun me. The one that I've gotten used to but still makes me so sad - "what religion am i?". The idea that things aren't wrong if you're not caught (drinking, cheating, stealing, lieing). The sin issue is beyond them.

I don't understand where the parents are - what are they doing? We are starting a book called grace based parenting - in the first few lines it speaks of good intentions. It's an assumption that I am finding is truly flawed. I don't know that every parent has good intentions. Maybe they had them in the cute stages of infancy and toddlerhood - but as the child grows - the interest is lost. Too often I speak to parents who have given up on their children. "Oh well - it's their life - I can't make them do anything..." A 15 or 16 year old, while desiring independence needs the guidance of parents needs their help.

I don't know anything about the home lives of these particular boys - and I do pray for their families - we know best intentions do not always mean perfect children. This was one mistake the driver made - to drink and drive.

New Book

We're just about done with "Lies Women Believe." It's been a crazy summer to get together with everyone's vacation schedule but we are on the last chapter of the book and will start a new one soon. What I like most about the last chapter in this book is that it focuses on the truths about ourselves and God that we need to memorize and dwell on. Most of the book goes through all the lies and I like that she ends the book with the truth. I think I ought to type out the truths with the cooresponding bible verses and leave it in my bible to regularly go through during my quiet time. So, on to the next book. We've decided to read "Grace Based Parenting" by Dr. Tim Kimmel. I've read it before and really liked it. Unlike the "Lies" book, this one does not have a workbook. We've found that it is a good idea for us to do a book that is in depth and requires a workbook, followed by a simpler book that doesn't. Otherwise we get overwhelmed and feel defeated that we haven't been able to keep up with it. And I have to admit I did a poor job of keeping up with the workbook this time around...:)

Lie 27: Size of family

This lie hit home hard. As was mentioned in a previous post by my fellow blogger, these chapters are meaty and alot of processing must occur. It has taken me a couple of weeks to process this information and to write about it in a somewhat coherent manner.

The author of this book has done fabulous with most lies, but on this one in particular I felt that she skimmed over a very serious issue. She thouroughly covered the idea that it is not up to us to determine how SMALL our family is (she covered that and acknowledged the controversy).

The thing is, she quickly skipped over the fact it is not up to us how our family is shaped at all. She did not cover the issue of infertility or inability to have children. This was difficult for me in particular because of my own struggles. While I have one biological child, I am incapable of bearing more children. I think she could have had a whole additional lie attached that we will be able to have the amount of children we desire. I think as women we all grow up having a picture of our future family in our head - gender, number of kids, etc. Then life happens. It has been surprising to me how many women even in our extended playgroup have had conception, pregnancy and/or labor issues. The idea of a perfect pregnancy and birth is a damaging and prevelant myth in our culture. There seems to be this assumption that because a woman has had a child, she will be able to have more. Or that every woman IS capable of having a child at all. (of course it could be the husband with issues...). There are so many paths she could have explored in how we can fulfill God's plan of raising children even when the "natural" way of things doesn't work out.

She speaks of Mary and paraphrases Luke 1:38 as:
You are my Lord. I am your servant. My body is Yours; I accept any inconvenience or hardship this will mean for me. All that matters to me is fulfilling the purpose for which You created me. I gladly surrender myself to be used as You will.

The author uses this as a way to say that women should accept the pregnancies God puts in their lives.

I see this paraphrased passage and think of how it applies to my family.

It is a hardship. There isn't a day that doesn't pass that I don't think of the children I will not bear that I had always dreamed of or mourn the pregnancies I will not experience. It will always be painful and there will always be sorrow. But there is a plan God has in place. I truly believe that he has set up for our family of three to become larger through foster care adoption.

JAMES 1:27
Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

Circumstances

The latest chapter we read in "Lies Women Believe" was about the lies we believe regarding our circumstances in life. I think we all could relate to this chapter. The particular lies that hit home for me were "if my circumstances were different, I would be different" and "I just can't take anymore." I know I always tell myself that I would be less cranky if only I were able to get more sleep and of course the one I've clung on to the longest, "if only I didn't live in Florida." When things get really crazy, I think we all throw up our hands and say "I just can't take it anyomore!" The author uses scripture to remind us of the truth that 1)my circumstances do not make me what I am; they merely reveal what I am 2) If I am not content with my present circumstances, I am not likely to be happy in any other set of circumstances 3) I may not be able to control my circumstances, but my circumstances do not have to control me. and 4) Every circumstance that touches my life has first been filtered through His fingers of love. This is a great reminder that God is sovereign and he is not suprised by our circumstances and has a plan to use those circumstances for our and other's benefit. God is gracious and will always give us grace to bear our circumstances--this is a truth to rest in. May it be so.

It Only Takes a Minute

Last week when we met to talk about our next chapter in the Lies book, we sent one of our members off to have some moments of peace and we watched her kids. We were doing a good job of watching the kids and talking about our book but I guess we got a little too involved in talking about the Emotions chapter that one of the kids came to tell us that they had gotten into some lotion and it was all over the place. Sure enough that's what happened. This is just one example of what goes on during our small group while we attempt to talk about our book, try to pray, or share what's going on in our lives. It's amazing that we accomplish anything!

Lies about Children

This week in "Lies Women Believe," we read the chapter on the lies we believe about children. Lie #27 (it's up to us to determine the size of our family) brought up some controversy for us. We had some differences with the author on that particular lie, particularly regarding limiting the number of children we want to have. We all agreed that we couldn't handle 20 kids:) The other lies discussed in this chapter were:
#28--Children need to get exposed to the "real world" so that they can learn to function in it
#29--All children will go through a rebellious stage
#30--I know my child is a Christian because he prayed to receive Christ at an early age
#31 We are not responsible for how our children turn out

Lie number 28 resonated with me a lot because it's one I've been thinking about in regards to the choices we have in education for our boy's. The author used the example of plants in a greenhouse saying that the plants stay in the greenhouse where they grow until they are big and healthy enough to be planted outside. That's my hope for our boy's is that we can teach them and train them in a "greenhouse" and then when their biblical worldview is established and they are strong in their faith, they will be ready to be planted out in the world.

Since we all have young children, the remaining lies are helpful to consider regarding how we teach and train them and our motivations and expectations in how they turn out.

I have to say that each chapter in this book has been very meaty and we could take weeks to process through them. Each chapter gives me nuggets to think about all during the week. I have had some difficulty in keeping up with the workbook but I have appreciated the summary pages she has at the end of each chapter that lists the lie and the scriptures that explain the truth.

Next week's chapter is right up my alley--"lies women believe about emotions" :)

Relying on God and Each Other

It's a crazy thing to think we have been meeting for over two years and quickly moving in on year three.

The support this group has given us all has been amazing. I have grown in my walk with Christ, as a mother (I've stolen my best moves from these women!) and as a friend.

We have been growing, but it's great to know when we stumble and fall, there is always the word of the Lord, a good friend, and a cup of coffee to back you up!

the thin line

In chapter six, we weary women have read about the lies concerning marriage. A potentially controversial chapter since the author takes a traditional biblical view of the institution.

It was difficult as I know I definitely have fallen into the lie... My husband is passive, I've got to take initiative, or nothing will get done. The book also addresses another lie... My husband is supposed to serve me. The truths they discuss have such a razor thin line they almost contradict.

In the lie my husband is supposed to serve me, the author discusses the point that we (women) were created to be helpmates to our husbands. That we should look for ways to make their lives easier. She then counteracts the lie about passive husbands with the concept that man is created to be the initiator. It's so difficult to not just get frustrated and adopt the attitude of "Fine, I'll just do it all...". I know I have personally felt that way in the past. I felt the passages in the book about nagging were especially convicting! Esp. the verses she referred to:
- Proverbs 17:1; 19:13; 21:9

She reminds us that we are to put utter faith in the Lord and that he will be the one to drive our husband - we have to let go and not attempt to micromanage the entire situation! We are to pray for our husbands and live a godly life - and HE will do the rest.

It is a comfort to be reminded that no human could ever make us happy and no marriage is ever perfect, but the love of the Father is perfect and unfailing!

Dog-Eared Mommies

The four of us decided to start a blog to facilitate discussion among ourselves and readers about the books we have been reading. For the past three years, we four mommies and all our kids have been getting together once a week to share our lives with each other as well as learn and grow together in Christ. It has been challenging to meet with our kids running around and a lot of times it doesn't go as smoothly as we would like (picture trying to pray while two toddlers battle it out) but we are determined to make it work. There are many challenges and crisis that are thrown our way, illnesses keep us from meeting but we always try to stay in touch with what is happening and are always in prayer for one another. I personally believe that the evil one is pleased when we are unable to meet and when we don't get a chance to keep up with what we are reading. We've read a number of books that have challenged us in our faith, our spiritual growth, our marriage and in our mothering. We hope our readers will join us in discovering more about our savior and how our lives are to reflect him. Currently we are reading "Lies Women Believe" by Nancy Leigh Demoss.
-Christina